A Little Honest Reflection from Adam

I'm working on a post about one of the most out-of-the-ordinary circumstances in which I've found myself, but I'm not done with it yet and in the meantime I'm feeling the need to let some thoughts out.

Right now we're in the middle of the rainy season up here on the plateau of Madagascar. I knew that would be the case before we got here, but honestly I had no idea what that meant, this being my first rainy season and all. Would it rain all day, everyday for months on end? Would there be torrential downpours or refreshing showers or light sprinkles? Every morning? Every afternoon? I didn't know. What has happened is a little bit of everything. The rains introduced themselves with clockwork consistency as they made a short visit every afternoon. Most recently, as in the past few days, the clouds have rolled in earlier in the day and decided to hover for several hours, leaving us with the sloppy, red gift of mud.

This has proven to be an appropriate parallel for my time here in Mada so far. For the most part, the days here are good. Language school is going well, we're pretty well settled in to our new home, we have American friends here and we're building relationships with Malagasy people. But still, at any given moment, something might happen that turns my thoughts toward home, toward America. It might be the failure to communicate well with someone, or the stress that comes with dodging the thousands in the streets, even something miniscule like the different taste of spaghetti. Sometimes I miss things I didn't even like in America, like cold weather. (Strange, huh?) Whatever the reason, my homesickness has been as regular as the rains.

I know with time this won't be as big of an issue, but in the meantime I must fight to stay focused on the mission at hand. The Antankarana of northern Mada are in need of the Gospel, so we have been sent from our home in order to preach so that they might hear and believe.

A Quick Update

I have very little time right now, so I've got to keep it short. Sorry it has been so long since we've updated anything on here; we still don't have internet in our home, so our opportunities to be online these days are few. We are getting settled into our home in Antsirabe now, and it's kind of funny to me that our house here is at least two times larger than our seminary apartment in Fort Worth.

We have now been in Mada for almost two weeks now, and our days typically consist of homeschool for the girls, running errands, lunch, language school, supper, then a little hang out time before we go to bed. We are over jetlag now, but we have been thrown off by how inconceivably early the sun rises here and by how early it sets. Our internal clocks are still out of whack because of this, which just means our days start earlier and end earlier. (Just to give you an idea, 6am feels very much like 8am, and 8pm feels every bit like 10pm.) It's weird to us, but we're getting used to it.

For the next five months we will be in language school learning Malagasy. Our schedule for school is Monday-Thursday from 1pm-5pm. We had our first three days last week, and so far we have learned over 100 vocabulary words, so we feel like we've got a pretty good pace going. As you can probably imagine, the language serves as a strong and sometimes intimidating barrier between us and the Malagasy people. We attempt to talk with our night guards and others as we go into the markets and stores, but we still know so very little of this language. It can be frustrating and extremely tiring (we definitely need more sleep here than we did in the U.S.), but it is also a great motivator for learning.

The other major point of interest is the driving here in Mada. There really is no U.S. comparison that I know of. The streets are filled with people, almost all of them not in cars. Most of the people walk, ride a bicycle, or take a pous-pous (rickshaw), and most of them stay on the street, not sidewalks. Getting from point-A to point-B is now a secondary goal; primary is not hitting anyone.

Okay, I'm way out of time now, gotta run. Hopefully I'll be able to upload some videos soon which will give you a view of Mada and the rules of engagement for driving here.

Mandra pihaona (See you)

Adam

This is our official prayer card. Putting this here for those who can't get one, also for practice in learning how to post pictures to the blog.

April's Update

We have been in Rockville, Virginia for almost two months now. Wow. A lot has happened in that time. It truly has been a roller coaster for us of emotions and waiting to see if we would still be able to go to Madagascar. We found out very surprisingly 3 days before we came here that we were expecting a baby. We were excited, yet concerned, but trusting God to take care of us. It was scary, but we knew God had brought us this far and would continue to put our steps into place. For a little while we weren’t sure if they would still even send us with the time taken out for having a baby. We have had several ups and downs with uncertainty whether or not we could go to Madagascar.

On one of those days where we didn’t think we would be able to go, the teaching in our class that day was on spiritual warfare. It was just what we needed to hear. One of the discussions was about no matter what problems come our way, we need not be caught up in the whys of it all, but focused on Jesus, His Word, prayer, glorifying Him and sharing Him with others. These are our responsibilities always and don’t change in the light of adversity. They are meant to draw us nearer to Him. The verse that stood out to us most that day was 2 Chronicles 20:12, which says, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you. “ God truly gave us what we needed for that day.

It was only a few days later that we found out the baby had no heartbeat, which was very painful for us. The ups and downs we experienced were more painful since they seemed now to be for no reason at all. But my memory verses for that day were told us that “we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-4). Adam and I repeated this over and over as we waited to talk to the doctor after we found out.

Perhaps it’s needless to say, but I did have a couple of days after that that I was very angry about why God had allowed all that to happen to us and then have the baby leave us. It was very hurtful and I couldn’t understand God’s reasoning, but He has brought much healing and given me peace. Still, I do not understand the whys, nor do I like it always. But I do not have to like it. What I do understand is that God is my Creator and Savior and I will worship Him in good times and bad, when I can understand and when I can’t. He has given us peace and grace to get through this. Yes, there are still hard moments, but He is bringing us through.

We have met some wonderful people here that have been awesome and supportive through this whole time. We share a quad with the other people going to different parts of Madagascar…The Hailes family (Adam, Suzie, Phoebe (12), Emma (10), and Baylee (7)), Doug, and Nathan. Jeremy is also in our quad; he is going to South Africa.

We have learned so much while being here. We have been reminded of sound doctrine and the importance of God’s Word in our lives. We have been reminded that God is already at work in the places we will go. He is already preparing people to know Him. We have been taught about putting things in cultural context, about church planting, bible storying, culture shock, conflict resolution, and about animist and Muslim religions. We have tried new foods and we have mostly enjoyed them.

Emma and Corinne have really have enjoyed being here and having so many new friends to play with and are thrilled to have the Hailes girls as our new family. They have really enjoyed their classes as well. Their teachers are wonderful and they have an awesome children’s library. The girls have been learning things about different cultures, other religions, Bible stories, sharing Jesus’ love and some academics as well. They both had a simulated “airport day” where they learned the importance of staying together and keeping up with things. Emma even took a packed bag and had a fake passport to keep up with. Emma has gone on field trips to the zoo and an international market to try different foods.

We are all getting excited and a little scared about leaving and actually getting to where God is leading us. There are so many unknowns, so many challenges ahead. We pray for God’s equipping for the task. We pray for His love to shine through us and for us to be able to learn the language quickly. We pray that we all would adapt well, but especially the girls. Please join us in praying for these things. We thank God so much for our family and friends and would love for you to pray with us for the Antankarana people of Madagascar as we seek to reach them with the Gospel.

--April

fragile little containers

Hot tears ran down my cheeks and into my beard as I laid on my back staring at the ceiling. All strength had drained from my arms and legs, leaving me with a strange sense of deadness. I certainly hadn't gone numb, because I felt the stinging emotional pain of having lost a baby all throughout my body. My heart hurt, literally, and I still feel as if there is a hole in my chest. I prayed brokenhearted prayers, but to this point I haven't asked God why.

It's not that I don't wonder what the reason is for all this stuff, which to some may seem arbitrary or even cruel. To say the least, the last four weeks of our life has been a bit overwhelming: A surprise pregnancy about which we were very excited, but which also threw our certainty of going to Mada into question. Then the news a little over one week later that we were fully approved to go. Then the news one week later that our situation had been re-evaluated and a non-negotiable decision had been made that we cannot go to Mada. Then the news only one day later that our situation was being "re-re-evaluated" if you will, and the non-negotiable decision of the previous day was being re-negotiated. (It was on this day, a Friday, that we saw our baby's heartbeat for the last time. 137 beats-per-minute. I will never, NEVER, forget this.) Then came Monday and a concerned trip to the doctor. No flutter of a heartbeat on the ultrasound. No movement. A miscarriage, and devastation.

While I haven't asked God why, I do wonder about the purpose of these things, but at the same time I'm very comfortable with my belief that my good Father has His good reasons, and He will let me know all I need to know. No more than that, and no less.

Perhaps as I continue to grieve I will ask more pointed questions concerning God's reasoning. Perhaps not. But what I'm sure of is that now, in this moment of clarity, my prayer is that God would use our story, particularly these struggles, to glorify Himself as they serve as a testimony of His goodness and all-sufficient grace.

I will finish here in agreement with Paul, who tells the Corinthians and us, "But we have this treasure (our Lord Jesus, who is our glorious King) in jars of clay (What weak, fragile little containers of the Almighty we are!), to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not us. We (as weak, fragile little containers) are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed (no doubt), but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken (He promised He would be with us, and He CANNOT lie); struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying around in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."
1 Corinthians 4:7-10--parenthetical notes mine.

8.16.11 10:40pm

As most of you know, a lot has been going on with us over the past few weeks, which is part of the reason we haven't updated the blog in a while. I did, however, want to share a couple of things I've written in my journal recently. One is a prayer and the other just contains some thoughts.

I can most assuredly say I've never experienced anything like this before. Lord, I'm not quite sure what to think about all this, what has turned out to be the most intense few weeks of my life. I sit here now in the aftermath of a lost child, still in the middle of an emotional roller coaster ride concerning our deployment to Mada, yet I also feel a great sense of peace and comfort. Your words, I can tell, are taking root and providing a firm foundation on which to stand. Jesus, your prayer that the Father would sanctify His children by His word is being perpetually answered (John 17).

What I notice at this moment is Your work of sanctification through pain. And because I know it is accomplishing Your intended ends, I can rejoice in the means (Rom 5, James 1). I can't promise that I'll feel the same way tomorrow, but I know my feelings are a fickle, untrustworthy judge of truth. Your word is truth, meaning it tells me what is true so I can believe what is true. If you gave up your own Son for us, how will You not also, with Him, graciously give us all things (Rom 8:32)? As a good Father, you have graciously given suffering to sanctify us while simultaneously giving strength to sustain us. Your grace is sufficient. Lord, by whatever means You choose, fill up what is lacking in me.

When Will My Plant Grow? a short story by Emma Mitchell

"When will my plant grow? I remember I planted it about three weeks ago, so it should be growing by now," I told my mom. "Honey, you have to wait, because plants don't always grow fast." "I don't want to wait," I shouted.

I went to my dad. "My plant isn't growing," I said. "You have to wait, because you don't have to just worry about the plant; don't waste your time, because you can play with your sister, brother, baby sister, or baby brother. "No," I answered.

I went to my sister. "When will my plant grow?" I asked. She replied, "I know that not all plants grow fast. Just take your time to play with us, not worrying about the plant." I was mad.

I went to my brother. "My plant won't grow," I said. "Well did you put a seed in it?" he asked. "Yes," I said. "Well, did you give it water and put it in a sunny spot?" he asked me. "Um, well, no," I answered. "Then do it!" I didn't do it.

I went to my baby sister. "Ooh," said my baby sister.

I went to my baby brother. "Gug," he said. "I guess you don't know."

I went outside. I sat. Then I stood up. I went to the kitchen. I got a cup and poured water in it. I went outside and poured the water on the plant, then I moved it in a sunny spot. "Time for supper," Mom said. I washed my hands, then ate supper. I went to bed.

In the morning, I got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, then went outside and looked at my plant. "Yay!" I shouted as a I jumped up and down. "My plant grew!" I went inside, told my Mom, Dad, sister and baby sister, brother and baby brother that my plant grew. "It did?" they all asked. "Yes! Come look!" They went and saw it. "Wow!" they said. "I watered it and moved it in a sunny spot and it grew!"